Melinda Mosser - How I Found the Real Me

How I Found the Real Me

Back in 1999, I was a graduate student.  In order to graduate, I had to present to the class out loud a Capstone project. I admit that I was truly embarrassed at my poor public speaking skills.  My voice waivered uncontrollably, it became squeaky, and like a vacuum the words would get sucked right back in after spoken aloud.  

I’ll trace this back to my childhood. As the third child of five, thus a middle child, I also had the distinction as the oldest daughter. This gave me a split personality.  For, I was the tormentor and self-proclaimed boss of my two fearful little sisters and at the same time the favorite victim of raucous older brothers. 

 Given the dysfunction of dueling personalities, it is not surprising that I came to be voted in high school the most popular shy person. Again a duality and contradiction in terms. 

 Okay, back to 1999 and my upcoming presentation.  I surmised my reason for being so fearful of speaking aloud was that while I spoke to a group people complained aloud while they couldn’t hear me. Not only did this annoy me but it messed up my flow. 

            I came up with a solution.  I purchased a microphone with an amplifier. It was quite large like a musician’s.  No longer did I fear the inevitable calls “speak up” we can’t hear you! 

 But, this I knew was only a quick fix. In 2000, I got a new job with my new degree and made my exodus to Chicago. Both sons had graduated and were leaving for college in other states. It was my time now. 

            In Chicago, I knew no one, except a sister, who invited me to join her in the exciting windy city. However, perhaps her way of getting me back for the early years under my tyranny, Tricia moved to Atlanta two months after I’d arrived. Desperate, I found the Knickerbocker Toastmasters and here I found solace and support of my excruciating feeble attempts to speak in front of a group. 

            I witnessed the metamorphosis of others and saw a glimmer of hope for myself as they developed into polished speakers.  Cultures from around the world were represented.  Once I finished, I began the Competent Communicator manual all over again. Although I'd finished, I did not feel worthy yet of the advanced manual. 

            My improved self-confidence parlayed into greater responsibilities at work.  My role expanded to travel and giving presentations.  Sometimes this was to an audience of one-hundred doctors and practitioners in a fancy hotel conference room. I was amazed that I no longer needed that amplifier!

            For me bashfulness and fear of public speaking was probably a “learned” thing. Whether being a cute little tow head trying to please, or the teenager with horrible acne preferring to stay under the radar. Toastmasters gave me the opportunity to see a new side and be the real me.